This one was difficult to write.

I long questioned whether I should have even added this section to the book.

I figure that my experience could potentially aid another person. So here it is,

“Pain & Courage.”

– – –

I’ve cried more over the past few years, than what feels like the entire duration of my life. And, I’m not talking about the tears shed from accidentally slicing a finger, or breaking a bone. Nah, I’m talking about deep weeping, that sends you straight to sleep.

Pain, not, depression, is what I felt.

I know what depression is.

I would be remiss to not acknowledge that I’ve felt it before. However, that was not the emotion I was feeling over the recent years. Spiritually, I was approaching nirvana. I dedicated myself to the discomfort of personal maintenance. I was ready for an overhaul. An honest and truthful reevaluation of every aspect of my life.

Mentally and spiritually, I was as fit as I had ever been.  

– – –

To Pat, depression is a feeling of hopelessness.

It can be temporary, or chronic.

Depression creates a struggle to find internal happiness. I also believe that at some point everyone will experience at least one bout of it. Even, for a moment. For this reason, I could never chastise anyone who is dealing with mental health struggles. I could never chide another, because I can recognize their humanity. I don’t know what people are dealing with. I only know what I see and experience. 

I can simply offer words of encouragement, to keep them keep going. And, I will never “other,” others.

– – –

I don’t appreciate non-licensed “professionals” diagnosing other people. Not every sad person is depressed.

Not, every person that you disagree with is out-of-their- mind. That is a passive-aggressive manner of inferring someone’s mental health because they operate, or think outside the norm.

As for me? I’m too much of a n-word to allow people to undermine my intelligence. I’m well-versed and knowledgeable. Articulate, and ignant. While I would prefer to conduct the former, I will not hesitate to use the latter.

To climb towards success.

Duh.

– – –

Perhaps, as I get elder, I will allow my reciprocating energy to subside.

Because ad hominemsare played out. So, are you going to continue attacking my character, or are you going to speak to the point? It’s time to come up with something different.

So, attack Pat’s perspective all you want. However, what do you know? Yes, you reading this book.

What do you know?

I will harshly correct those individuals who resort to ad hominem rebuttals. Or, I’ll just ignore it. I told you that I’m working on being the bigger person…  Well, I am still awork in progress.

– – –

I don’t find personal attacks to be humorous,

 or “caring.”

I find them dismissive and insulting.

Well-read and well-informed people do not go around insulting people by calling another individual, stupid. Perhaps, a generalization is in order; when there is a certain proclivity affecting a large segment of the population. However, intelligent people prefer to know, than to infer. Not, to insinuate about other people. Granted, every person’s experiences are their own. However, perception is not reality.

     Lack of understanding, or being unaware of other people’s experiences, can influence and shape how an individual perceives difference. Not only culturally, but also ideologically. Instead, of engaging in healthy dialogue and discourse with others, some prefer to publicly/privately disrespect others. Or, distance themselves from people who they don’t agree with.

Some people won’t even step away quietly, they gotta bring other people’s reputations with them. So, they fabricate information and spread gossip about a person; who they even claim to be “cool” with. But this isn’t a new concept.

We often dismiss people whom we can’t, or won’t have discourse with.

– – –

I have always valued difference…

As long as respect is present.

It’s okay for someone to have a different opinion, or perspective than you. As long as there’s a mutual respect.

I’ve noticed or observed that people with perspectives that dissent from the consensus, those folks are quick to get labeled by others as coo-coo crazy, or whatever. However – These are the types of people whom I’ve usually most gravitated towards.

I respect people who are willing to take the “heat.” Who is willing to bear the burden? But, not for the sake of being a contrarian because I despise performance. But if it’s real, and it’s coming from a genuine space…

Then, I will always be willing to hear a person out. Regardless of their opinion. Because I understand that it’s painful to be different.

It is, not glorious.

Society romanticizes reality. Since everyone gets a trophy now, everyone feels entitled to…

Their opinion.

Which, is fine.

As long as it’s informed…

The opinion.

So, “speak”, I suppose.

– – –

We enjoy marketing catchphrases and buzzwords through advertising and promotion. So, we encourage people to be different and “unique!” Which looks great worded in text on a multicolored t-shirt.

But let someone actually be different…

To others, they become out of their mind.

Being different is usually not warm and inviting. It’s painful because people often don’t understand it. They would rather be skeptical, than curious. It takes a lot of courage, to do so.

To, be different. To truly be different.

– – –

You will lose out on a lot.

Friendships. Relationships. Jobs.

Potentially, everything.

Simply for being, different.

Some of the most genuine and insightful conversations that I’ve ever had, were with those who had lost the most. Sometimes at 3:33.

Conversing with those with little to nothing.

     You would discover through interacting and speaking with these individuals, that many are not as, crazy as society might portray them to be.

– – –

 Most of us gotta play the game before we dictate the rules.

It’s all about tact. There are situations, and moments, where we must remain silent, to elevate later. Good luck with trying to kick the door down on your way in.

Nah, you must be strategic first.

You gotta operate with logic and reasoning. Using emotional intelligence, and not emotion. Also, understanding differences. No random outbursts, or ad hominem attacks on others.

You have to be calculated. You have to play the game, before you dictate its rules.

Sometimes, being “too real”, will only leave you outside in the cold at 3:33. There are a lot of real people who are sleeping on park benches.

Such, wasted talent.

– – –

If you speak out against a company policy, prepare to become enemy number one.

They’re not likely to contest you on the basis of your argument and through your reasoning. But rather, you will be chided for not being a team player.So, don’t be surprised if it resurfaces come performance review time.

It’s called, workplace culture for a reason. You were not hired for your opinion. You were hired to do a job.

“When keeping it real goes wrong.”

When they ask, “If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?” The reality is that many people would. Especially, if it were a company bonus at the landing spot.

I have learned through my experience, that people don’t typically draw outside the lines. How many times have you been involved with a public “outcry”? Yes, you reading this. I’m just saying, *shrugs.

Granted, certain public condemnation is necessary. But I don’t know, I don’t believe there are as many mentally tough individuals, as often projected to others. There are so many who are easily influenced. Whether it’s from a product, lifestyle, or a mindset.  

     And, many individuals I witnessed consistently chided, derided, and ostracized, for having their own perspective. On the basis of their viewpoints, which differed from societal norms.

To me, I believe that is true mental toughness. To persist, despite everyone “othering” you. Not, by using a damn hashtag.

They are not “crazy.” Well, maybe they are… I mean, WE are; far tougher, mentally than people who throw stones from glass houses.

It’s easier to punch down on someone else than to self-reflect, and to take accountability.

– – –

I speak with confidence. I compose with confidence.

I will carry myself confidently. At times, it gets misaligned for arrogance. But aye, I can’t tell other people how to feel.

At times, my confidence gets mischaracterized as cockiness. Like I’m a know-it-all…

But aye, I know what I know, and what I don’t know. And, if I don’t know, then I ask. Or, I will research and find the answer.

“Know-it-all?

Like, Pat knows everything?”

Well, that is a tad bit of a reach… All that I’m saying is I’m fully aware… To who I am, and to who I’m not.

I’ve taken myself through several experiences of discomfort. Again, it was not easy at all. I lost so much. However – I gained much greater.

For years, I practiced what I preached. Few paid attention.

Then, I finally began to preach about what I practiced. But with a more vocal tone this time around. Suddenly, I became out of my mind to others.  

Me championing my accomplishments was misaligned as my “insecurities.” Because everyone is expected to remain humble for their hard work.   

Those with low self-esteem harbor resentment for people who celebrate their achievements and success. If someone did it legitimately, let them celebrate as they wish.

– – –

I felt young men and women who looked similar to me could resonate with my journey. I felt that on social media, we needed to see more examples of individuals who were coming from their communities, or cultural backgrounds with real-life success. Not just internet fame. I felt as if people were equating success and impact, with an online following. I felt as if we were losing sight of becoming community builders and liaisons, to a focus on becoming brand ambassadors; and not community leaders. 

I feel like within my tribe; in my community, we’re able to discuss popular culture or trendy dance moves. But also, and more importantly, we can discuss the challenges facing upward mobility. We can build and uplift the community.

Righteousness is corny,

and ratchetness is janky… Correct?

Within my tribe, we can demonstrate and teach the youth about the great, and the not-so-good. The reality. The TRUTH. And, that is not crazy thinking. It should not be considered crazy to have nuanced conversations.

Go and chat with that homeless person. They might have three professional degrees and years of work experience. Because you never know about a person, until you engage with them. Have you ever cared to ask a person, why they are homeless? Or, do you assume that it’s because they’re on drugs? Many of them are. Some of them, clearly are.

However, not all of them. Not everyone outside in the cold, in the middle of the night is “crazy”.Let’s stop with sweeping generalizations about people, who are different from others. Or, from most.

– – –

Independent thought has dissipated.

Luckily, my words usually align with my actions. I’m willing to place my impact on others against any ad hominem attacks.

It’s never been about social influence or financial gain for me. Granted, I would take having money no doubt. However, it doesn’t influence, or drive me. Like, I’m not going to compromise for it, and I’ve been consistent with this over time.  

Status, notoriety, or money will never be the deciding factor for me. I’d rather live comfortably and quietly. Ya’ know, come out, speak a little, and then create with purpose. Allow for my words and message to resonate with others. Then, disappear into the night.

     While this isn’t the greatest mindset for branding and marketing, it is for maintaining my sanity. I will prioritize value and impact over visibility. Those are my motivators.

Am I truly making other’s lives better?

Am I equipping them with proper knowledge and insight?

Am I empowering them to make a choice?

Am I creating opportunities for others?

Am I supporting people through their journey? …

Not, a product or lifestyle that Pat’s promoting. I understand that when you are in an influential position, you must be cognizant and beholden to your stakeholders. Your sponsors, business partners, management, and most importantly, your audience. It’s a lot of pressure to consistently “be on.’ I do not envy it.   

They definitely cannot afford to offend people. So, if they’re a naturally offensive person, they can’t even be themselves. All the while, wearing branded appeal with “different,” “unique,” and “control your narrative” embroidered.  

These were cool terms before they got commodified. Then, it was inserted into sports drink commercials with high-intensity dramatization, and heavy-hitting audio. 

– – –

When you are truly in fact, impactful, that represents a different story to me. I would rather be recognized for my impact than my influence.

I could not become beholden to people liking me. I’d rather be beholden to getting the job done and achieving my objectives. To bring competent and qualified people along for the journey. 

I ain’t a marketing person. I’m not a salesperson and I’m not an influencer.   

Pat will keep it very real, at all moments. Regardless, of how it was messaged. Especially, if you truly pay attention.

And, that is never “crazy.”

– – –

I used to remove any person who attempted to place the label upon me, crazy, from my cache.

     Now, if anyone wishes to assert that notion upon me, I will gladly accept. It has evolved into a badge of honor for me, at this point.  

If “crazy” is NOT the most appropriate colloquialism to identify people who operate differently. Then, whatever else it’s called…

You can assign it to me.

Because I don’t wish to be normal. I don’t want to think or operate how everyone else does. 

– – –

I don’t know, honest “self-work” does not go viral,

not to me.

Honest self-work is courageous. That is why I understand that most people will not do it. Some people are simply courageous in their minds.

To me, it’s not courageous to be a part of a public outcry. To me, it’s not the courage to pile on to another person’s misfortune.

Nor, is it ever courageous to jump and attack another person. Especially while in a group. Verbally or physically. However – it is courageous, to withstand it.

– – –

Being truly different comes with a price tag.

At an ultimate cost.

It’s sometimes as difficult to explain difference, as it is to comprehend it. So, I’m also understanding when people do not understand that. Because I’ve realized some people may have never seen or heard the difference before.

Like, I get it.

I have also encountered many genuinely, nice and kind-hearted individuals so deeply entrenched with their values and personal beliefs, that it ultimately cost them. Either, their families and/or their livelihoods. Their convictions were so mighty that the costs were too great. They were perceived as out of their minds by others. Nobody could rationalize their behavior. As a result, they were ostracized.

They couldn’t find open work and lost their possessions.

Nowhere to turn, they were put out, out and sleeping on the streets. Using and abusing, up at 3:33.

“Crazy”, how life works.

– – –

That conversation you were about to have at work. Or, that comment that you wanted to make during the meeting. Well, it can potentially alter the direction of your life, if you speak up. Now, how strong are you, when it comes to your convictions?

So, be mindful before referring to another individual, who can stand on their own words and actions, as crazy. Nah, instead, that is…

PAIN & COURAGE.